Being an adult is a lot like being a baby except you have to ask yourself questions instead of someone else constantly going over a checklist with you:
I am feeling irritated/upset:
[ ] Are you hungry?
[ ] Are you tired?
[ ] Did someone hurt your feelings?
[ ] Do you need to use the washroom?
[ ] Did you suddenly get hit with a sense of existential despair?
today at the bookstore i asked the lady working if she had any lgbtq books that i could check out and her eyes magnified in what i mistook as horror and i thought i had offended her and then she said “i have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement i’ve been waiting for someone to finally ask” and she all but burst down the stairs to get them for me
"I have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement" is my new go-to pickup line